I have never actually done this before, but it feels strangely natural and easy.

"I began to comprehend, with chilling clarity, how much real people might disappoint me by simply being themselves.
...
"Sometimes the choice is knowing people or loving them. I chose love."

It seems we are little more than the stories we weave and believe.

Much as I deride those whose self-esteem depends on it, external validation does indeed feel good.

----------

"Liberalism rests on a vision of life: a Faustian vision. It exalts self expression, self-mastery and control over the environment, natural and social; the active pursuit of knowledge and the clash of ideas; the acceptance of personal responsibility for the decisions that shape one’s life. For those who cannot take the freedom, it provides alcohol, tranquillizers, wrestling on television, astrology, psychoanalysis, and so on endlessly ..."

- Brian Barry, The Liberal Theory of Justice, 1973

 Overhearing a group of scientists praising financier E.H. Harriman during an 1899 expedition to Alaska, John Muir interrupted them.

“I don’t think Mr. Harriman is very rich,” he said. “He has not as much money as I have. I have all I want, and Mr. Harriman has not.”

"The fact that generous people are unpopular is consistent with the well-documented aversion to exceptional individuals: dislike of those who seem extremely competent (Exline & Lobel, 1999); displeasure with those who offer help (Fisher, Nadler, & Whitcher-Alagna, 1982); and, more recently, the rejection of those who adhere strongly to a moral position (Monin, Sawyer, & Marquez, 2008). This phenomenon also speaks to issues of group process loss (Steiner, 1972), in that group members prefer not to involve someone who can contribute much toward the group's success at low cost to the group. From a group productivity perspective, this is foolish."

Parks, C. D. & Stone, A. B. (2010). The desire to expel unselfish members from the group. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(2), 303-310.

When faced with puzzles/problems of any notable difficulty, I cannot help but feel so hopelessly out of depth; that in spite of my ego, I am after all, an inferior mind.

Perhaps in attempting to be a generalist, all I can attain is sufficient knowledge to have an informed appreciation of the poverty of my understanding.

I am about to accept a place at University of Queensland for a 2 years BA (econs) OR BSc (psych), followed by 4 years MBBS.
I will start housemanship/internship in 6 years, and massively in debt to my parents.

...

I don't know if I will end up regretting this, but I do know that I will definitely regret letting this slip by.

A choice I fear I may regret making, but also one that I know I will regret not making.

I guess it's obvious then.

For whoever is actually still active on LJ. I suppose this is just a more candid version of what most would have said/written in interviews/personal statements.

What do you think is your purpose in life? (your personal one, and not that of humanity/people in general)
How certain are you of it?
What you want to do/are doing to achieve it? (what form will it take?)

======

Some egs:
- I am sure (p<0.05 below critical value to reject null hypothesis), pending any contradictory evidence, that my purpose in life is to do research (in the field of ____ ) to contribute to the sum of human knowledge for posterity. To achieve this, I have taken up a scholarship with _____ (probably A*Star), will study ________ at _________, and will spend the rest of my life there researching _______.

- I have no !@#$%-ing clue what my purpose in life is, so I'll just muddle along doing whatever I like (eg. _______) until I find it (and that probably won't change anything either).

- I know I'm here to save the world and solve all its problems, so I'm starting by studying/doing _____. The first problem I want to fix is __________. (Followed by ____, ____, .....)

- I'm still finding my purpose in life, and actively searching for it by __________. In the meantime, I am accumulating knowledge/$$/power/____ to accomplish the purpose when I find it.

======

So yeah. Comments and serious/semi-serious responses are welcome.

I believe I have acquitted myself well enough, but still ...

Such costly wisdom, or perhaps, mere cynicism.


Goodbye. (And good riddance?)

Thus ends my fourth and last overseas trip with the SAF. Next destination: ORD.

"Why should I ask your name? In any case I knew it before you told me ... Your name is brother."

To survive 2009 with mind and sanity intact.

After not cycling for about a year, I now get overtaken by old men.

Name
          KOO YONG DE

Is authorised by the ARMED
FORCES COUNCIL to drive the                 CLASS 2B
Class(es) of motor vehicle(s) as
indicated.

This:


Reminded me of this:

Am soon departing for the sweltering heat of the land of smiles to stay at the camp of best canteen and 30 baht/hour lan centres till July ends, thus missing the pretty much compulsory post.

...


Dammit, losing coherence yet again ...

As usual, nothing goes quite as planned. Ahead lies assuredly gruelling recce courses and months of flying mini-UAVs in various disparate airspaces. Certainly a package to be treasured, but also one that leaves much work undone, undoable. Still, experience is everything.


"Why do you want to accomplish everything in the first quarter of your life? What are you going to do afterwards?"
- MAJ Seet, outgoing CO 1MI Bn


It is such an ambivalent experience meeting good men in the SAF. One is inspired to believe that they may yet salvage or at least mitigate the ______-__ness (pardon the lack of a suitable adjective) of an organisation filled with _______s (again, fill in appropriate noun). Yet, one is also struck by the feeling of such waste: what more could they forge outside?

1. Apply NUS Med
- Disrupt NS
- Save 1.5 out of 5 years of govt bond
- Come back as MO, which is relatively slackier?

- Still have doubts about medicine as future career
- Difficult to get in, esp since interview requires certainty
- 11 years deal
- Must make decision now; anything else would give extra 2 years of time to carefully think options through

2. OCS
- Relatively better deal than being a 3SG for entire duration of NS

- Must chiong now
- Tougher training
- Ultimately still meaningless

3. Medic
- One of the few somewhat meaningful vocations in NS: get to acquire some medical skills (eg. First Aid) am already interested in

- Combat medic is the shit

4. Other vocations/ASLC after BSLC
- Slackier trainee life?

- 3SG is the worst rank to hold.
- Meaningless and a waste of time

Where's the damned save point when you really need it?

We all go a little crazy during route marches, but it was a strange feeling singing, "this is home, truly ..." while trudging and splashing through the puddles and pools we had been avoiding for the past 12km.

Certitude remains, as always, elusive. But we'll all just have to make do.


愿主的平安与你同在。
新年快乐。

Sigh. From countdown till book out to countdown till book in. And again.


And I'm surprised by what I actually miss.

It's a different feeling seeing myself in the mirror at home.